Reflection

I figured I would use this last blog as a chance to brainstorm for my essay that will accompany my portfolio at the end of the semester. I am happy with the way my first semester back in school went. It was a big change from my last couple years at the academy. I remember being there I always did the bare minimum to get by, I always waited until the very last minute to work on assignments, and never edited things before turning them in. This semester I was actually excited about school and managed to keep up with readings and work in all my classes! It was a good feelings, and it reminded me what it was like to be a good student.

As far as this class went I enjoyed it very much. It was a nice change of pace because all of my other classes were history classes. I also enjoyed the writing, it was kind of freeing. I also think it helped with my writing skills in general. I applied a lot of what I learned about writing with detail, and how to keep a reader interested to my history papers. I also enjoyed the poetry section of the course. I have never been very good at poetry, but I liked the fact that it gave me the opportunity to revisit the poem I wrote for Carolyn. While I was editing it I spent a night remembering her and it was a positive and therapeutic  experience for me. I never knew that writing could be so helpful within my own life and I plan to taking advantage of that in the future.

Workshop Poem

I just finished editing my workshop poem for the first time in over 3 years and it was more difficult than I thought. I did not think it would be easy, because it is close to my heart, but I was also slowed down by a migraine that just wouldn't quit! Anyway, I know that it needed to be polished because things were clear to me since I wrote it, but not so much to the reader. I don't think it was as obvious as I thought it was that it was a dream at first and that it was a phone ringing in the background. I wanted to sure up these details, and make the poem more descriptive, without losing the original emotion that it was written with. I read over it several times and took into the account the suggestions made by my professor, my peers, and my mother (who read it for the first time too). I usually have my mom read things before I turn them in if I can because she has been an english teacher since she graduated from college. After I re-read the poem several times I spent some time thinking about Carolyn and listening to some of her favorite songs to try and get in touch with the emotion that the original was written with. I will be interested to see if this revised version is more concrete and easier to understand, or if it comes across as too straight forward or more numb.

Hopefully it turns out better, but I'm sure there is still more that will come up during the workshop. I am excited to be working with this poem because I have always toyed with the idea of perfecting it. I was also pleased that I was able to read it in our small groups in class on Monday without getting too emotional. It was the first time I have read it aloud since I read it to Carolyn, and it was also the first time anyone other than her or I had seen it, other than being on this blog a couple weeks ago.

Workshop Poem

I have been struggling with which poem to use for workshop at the end of the semester. I want to use the poem that I wrote for Carrie, which I posted a few weeks back on here. The problem might be when it comes time to edit. I don't know is this poem is too close to me for me to be able to take criticism on it. I am worried I won't be able to change anything because while each line may not be perfect, it reminds me of her. I am willing to give it a shot, but I might have to have a back up poem. No one else had even read this poem other than Carrie and myself until I posted it in this blog. I don't mind people reading it, and I am excited about it because it has a lot of meaning to me. I am excited to see what kind of meaning this poem has when other read it. I just hope that I am able to work on it constructively during the editing process. It was written almost 3 years ago and I had never taken any classes in poetry writing before.

Inspiration for Writing Assignment 7

The house was abandoned probably over 15 years ago when a storm condemned it, and ever since it has been a favorite place of mine before, during, and after a lived in Marco Island, FL. We always used this house as a land mark. It is on the southern tip of an uninhabited island which meant we could to anything we wanted here. Often we would have bonfires, camp, or spend the weekend out here near the house. It was our favorite place because there was never anyone else around for miles. I can't remember a bad experience on this beach, and I have never been to that part of Florida without going out there to throw a party, or just go fishing. In later years the hose has been overtaken by the water and we can't go inside anymore, but it is still standing. I'm sure sooner or later it will fall down in a storm, but it will still always be one of my favorite places on earth.

Continued...

I neglected to write a response to the third poem from class on the 11th. The poem "New Snow" is very descriptive and seems to paint a picture for the reader with the words that the author chose. I get a clear feeling of the stillness of the wilderness after the snow has stopped falling. It seems that the immediate world is frozen in time, and is very peaceful. The only action we get in the poem was the sound of the carriage in the distance, but the fact that the narrator describes the sound so clearly, while being so far away from it only adds to the stillness of the scene. I like this poem as an example of the power of imagery. I can almost see the scene in my mind as a read the poem, and since no specific place was listed it takes me back to experiences in my own life. Perhaps the author intended this effect, which makes the poem applicable to each reader in their own way.

I look forward to trying my hand at the techniques I learned from reading these poems. I am enjoying writing poetry much more than prose because, for me, there is less analytical thought that goes into a poem, and more feeling.

Reading Responses

Since I missed class last week on April 11 I wanted to share my thoughts about the poems that were assigned as reading material for that class. First, Raymond Carver's poem about the photo of his father was touching. It almost feels like the narrator's father has just passed away and he is studying a picture of him. Since the poem refers to the father in the past tense (ex: All his life my father wanted to be bold) I get the sense he has passed. The narrator also expresses his regret that his father never passed on certain things to him as if it were too late now. I think the narrator is looking for something to be happy about in the wake of his father's death, but it having trouble finding it because it appears his father never became the man that he wished to be, and now he never will.

The poem written by Robert Hayden I get a sense of deep regret from the narrator, who wishes he had been more thankful and loving of his father when he was young. The author paints a picture of a tired, weathered man who works tirelessly to make the house warm for everyone else even on his days off, and no one ever thanked him for his work. It sounds like the father had become a bitter man by the time the narrator is recalling, yet he continued to work for others. It sounds like the narrator is still haunted today by how poorly he treated his father, and wishes he could go back and change how he was as a child.

Explanation

That poem was written a few years back for my fiance when she was sick in the hospital. She had just undergone a bone marrow transplant as well at chemo and she was stuck in an isolation room in the hospital on and off, sometimes for extended periods of time. I wrote this to her during a time when our relationship existed through the phone only for a couple months. It was a hard time for both of us, but this was meant to show how excited I got every time my phone rang and she was on the other end. Every reference to her was also capitalized because I was referring to one specific person, not a general idea of a person. I am sure it is not great, because I have never had any classes on poetry before, but it expressed one of the greatest emotions I have ever felt for anyone so I have always kept this poem. I even still go back and read it from time to time.

Sample

I thought this would be a good time to share something I wrote for my fiance about 3 years ago...

“You”

A ring, my heart skips a beat.

The thought of Her has kept me going

all day, just the Thought.

She has been dancing in my head for hours.

I drift off into a dream.

Happiness I have never known before is waiting,

waiting with Her.

Can this be real?

The ringing grows louder.

It’s no longer a dream, but a vision.

She walks towards me and takes my hand,

She leads me forward.

I follow with no signs of doubt.

I stay with Her, step by step

quietly wondering where She is leading me.

Another ring, my mind races with amazement.

I continue to walk with Her;

the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.

Her touch radiates through me like a wave.

The ringing in my ears turns to music.

I suddenly realize where She is leading me.

It’s my future, my future with Her.

We stop and I smile,

I am lost in Her eyes.

I bear brightest smile I can ever remember.

She leans in as if to speak to me, but I hear no words.

She takes a step back but again, no words.

The sound of Her voice would be like heaven,

but I can only hear the music.

It suddenly begins to fade, the ringing returns.

She stops and calls out to me

Wait, She is Calling me…

Another ring, I come back to reality

but the excitement remains.

It Is Her!

I pick it up and can say only one thing,

It sums up everything that I feel: “You”

You are Her, my dream,

My Carolyn Ann

For anyone reading this I will wait till next time to explain it...

Poetry

I have been looking forward to the poetry section of this class. I have never been good at prose, but I have written some poetry in the past and I am looking forward to the opportunity it will provide for me to explore some of my past. I have never been great and expressing myself openly, and I tend to internalize things, especially when it comes to emotional events. I have never really liked that aspect of myself because keeping things inside has led to some particularly acute physical symptoms in the past. I got migraines, panic attacks, and other things as a result of dealing with things internally, especially surrounding my late fiance.  Most of the poetry I have written in the past was for her, and probably was not very good. I didn't follow any style, or really know much about poetry in general. I am looking forward to learning more about it and trying my hand at expressing some of the emotions I have felt since her passing. I have had more life experiences than most people my age when it comes to matters of the heart, so we will see how this goes!

Enjoying the writing

I had the worst time editing my short story last week. I must have sat and stared at it for over an hour thinking about what to change and I think I ended up adding more and removing less. My revision was almost two pages longer than my first draft. I did consolidate a few parts, and enhance some details without using as many words, but I think I only removed one part of my story. I am hoping that the final product provides more insight into my character, Mike, more depth.

The workshop was incredibly helpful to me though. I got a lot of positive feedback about my story which gave me more confidence during my revision.  It also brought to light some of the weak parts of my story that I needed to work on. After reading other people stories and seeing their mistakes, I was able to see some of the same things in my paper that I had previously missed. Hopefully my final story is a quality product.

I am enjoying creative writing more than I thought I would. Writing has always come somewhat easy to me, even though I never really like the actual act of writing. Ever since high school people have told me that I was a good writer, but I was always such a procrastinator. I am enjoying the freedom to write outside of research. This might also have something to do with the fact that this time around in school I am more motivated to learn and do well. My previous college experience was full or last minute deadlines, late work, and poor grades. I had always been an A student in high school, but at the academy I was so unhappy that my academic performance suffered. I am enjoying school this time around, and so far I seem to be doing well in all my classes. I am enjoying the experience of getting work done ahead of time, and not freaking out about everything. It just goes to show how happiness can play an important part in academic performance! Let's hope it continues!

Working out the kinks

I finished and submitted the first draft of my short story this past week. Up until Friday I had a hard time organizing the coherent thoughts that I had in my head into a coherent series of events. Reading other people's stories in the first workshop session helped me in a way to figure out where I wanted my story to go. I had my family read it as well and I think I am happy with the way that it turned out except for the ending. The first 2/3rds of my story builds up to one dramatic event, but I am not sure I like the event that I went with. I could have gone in so many different directions with the action and the building of the weather.

It was also hard to end the story in a way that seems to fit. Should I say more, less, something totally different? I just might end up reworking the last part of the story altogether, but I think the workshop on Monday night will give me a better sense of what I need to do.

Inspiration

I am happy with my opening scene for my story, but I need to figure out where I am going to take it from there. It is harder than I thought... I have been brainstorming for over a week now and I can't seem to decide what to write about. I am trying to draw on some of the things that we prepared for, and guarded against happening while we were underway in the Pacific, but I want to make the story believable and not over the top. There are literally hundreds of things that can go wrong on the water, but I am still having trouble.

Perhaps I lack a sense of creativity!  Who knows, I just can't help but feeling self conscious about my writing. With history it is easier because you are arguing a point and have evidence to back up everything you say. In creative writing I don't have that net to fall back on so it's all on me...

Hopefully my end product will turn out better than I am expecting, but I think the work shops will help me when I am exposed to other people's opinions about my story before the final copy is due.

I thought I would include a couple pictures so if anyone is reading this you can see the sort of situations I am drawing my inspiration from...

Story ideas

So I have decided to stick with my original story idea. I am learning that writing a short story is not instinctual for me like research writing is, so I am going to rely on the peer review and the class workshops to make my story better. I have a basic idea of what I want to say, but I'm hoping the more I think about it, the better it gets.

I decided over break to stick with the idea I have been drafting, and stay away from some other topics that are closer to me because I am not ready to write about them yet. There are a couple writing territories that I could do well at, but they are too personal and I don't think it would come out how I would want.

I am sure I want to have a happy ending in my story, I am just working out how to make it interesting and dramatic without becoming too dark. Reading other short stories has definitely helped me think about where I want it to go. If I had to turn in my story now it would probably be disastrous, but I am hoping I will be able to work it and improve it in the next couple weeks.

the creative writing learning curve...

So I am finally starting to catch up on all my missed work. The past two weeks were a little rough, I had both strep throat and the flu back to back. Anyway, I am finally feeling better getting back into the swing of things.

I regret that I missed last week's class because this is a very new process to me. The writing assignments help though. I didn't really know all the prep work that went into developing a story before you actually start writing! I am so used to writing research papers where the formula is easy: research, thesis, outline, paper, and citations... To be honest I thought that creative writing was more of a trial and error process where you write a story and polish it as you think of new ideas and so on. I was unaware that there were so many writing exercised to help before the actual story writing begins. I admit it all makes sense now though. I was struggling in the first week to come up with a story topic that I could have written about and made interesting to others to read.

I have a lot more respect for this kind of writing and I am still hopefully that this class will enhance my writing skills and make it easier to write a stronger thesis paper when I get to my senior seminar class for history.

I still don't know exactly what I want to write my short story about though. I am trying my best to develop a story that I will enjoy writing. If I don't enjoy writing it then I know there is no way anyone else will enjoy reading it!

My first entry

Hey cyberspace,

My name is Todd. I am opening this account for school purposes. I have to maintain a blog throughout the semester for my creative writing class. I have never been one to write about, or even talk about, my feelings or emotions. I generally have become very good at keeping things inside, which is probably a bad thing, but I haven't exploded yet. I have always been a little skeptical about blogging. Why would someone want an infinite number of strangers reading their thoughts? This will definitely be a new experience for me, but I will give it my best shot. I don't believe in doing anything halfheartedly anymore. I will either give my best, or not do it! haha.

Recently, there is not much that I won't try. My life has been somewhat of a shambles in the past few years and I am only recently putting the pieces back together. As a result I have set out to better myself and try new things.

In high school I was very shy, but always did well in school and sports. I was accepted into every college I applied to save for one, the United States Naval Academy in Annapolis, MD. I am born and raised in Annapolis so all I can say is that I always wanted to go there as long as I could remember. I decided to go to prep school for a year after high school under a scholarship from USNA and then entered the class of 2006. I was almost immediately disillusioned with the place I had built up in my mind to be so great, and after struggling for 3 and half years I decided that place, and the military in general, were not for me. I floundered a bit after that, missing the chance to finish school right away and instead took a job in the yachting industry which I still love! I got the chance to travel, meet some amazing people, and play on boats all day. I got laid off last year when the economy tanked, and subsequently moved to Maine in September for a fresh start. This is my first semester back in school since the end of 2005.

I also have struggled with a personal loss. The passing of my 23 year old fiance almost 2 years ago sent me spiraling out of control with no direction in life for over a year. Not a day goes by where I don't think about it, but I have learned to be more productive in life again. I have kept a lot of feelings inside for a long time, but things have been getting better over the past 6 months.

So I guess I would not be doing this if it wasn't for class. I have never taken a creative writing class before. I am a history major, so by practice I learned to write objectively. I am excited to try something new, and I am also hoping that this class will improve my writing skills in general! I have been told my many professors that good historians are first and foremost good writers. Let's see where this goes...