Reading Responses

Since I missed class last week on April 11 I wanted to share my thoughts about the poems that were assigned as reading material for that class. First, Raymond Carver's poem about the photo of his father was touching. It almost feels like the narrator's father has just passed away and he is studying a picture of him. Since the poem refers to the father in the past tense (ex: All his life my father wanted to be bold) I get the sense he has passed. The narrator also expresses his regret that his father never passed on certain things to him as if it were too late now. I think the narrator is looking for something to be happy about in the wake of his father's death, but it having trouble finding it because it appears his father never became the man that he wished to be, and now he never will.

The poem written by Robert Hayden I get a sense of deep regret from the narrator, who wishes he had been more thankful and loving of his father when he was young. The author paints a picture of a tired, weathered man who works tirelessly to make the house warm for everyone else even on his days off, and no one ever thanked him for his work. It sounds like the father had become a bitter man by the time the narrator is recalling, yet he continued to work for others. It sounds like the narrator is still haunted today by how poorly he treated his father, and wishes he could go back and change how he was as a child.

Explanation

That poem was written a few years back for my fiance when she was sick in the hospital. She had just undergone a bone marrow transplant as well at chemo and she was stuck in an isolation room in the hospital on and off, sometimes for extended periods of time. I wrote this to her during a time when our relationship existed through the phone only for a couple months. It was a hard time for both of us, but this was meant to show how excited I got every time my phone rang and she was on the other end. Every reference to her was also capitalized because I was referring to one specific person, not a general idea of a person. I am sure it is not great, because I have never had any classes on poetry before, but it expressed one of the greatest emotions I have ever felt for anyone so I have always kept this poem. I even still go back and read it from time to time.

Sample

I thought this would be a good time to share something I wrote for my fiance about 3 years ago...

“You”

A ring, my heart skips a beat.

The thought of Her has kept me going

all day, just the Thought.

She has been dancing in my head for hours.

I drift off into a dream.

Happiness I have never known before is waiting,

waiting with Her.

Can this be real?

The ringing grows louder.

It’s no longer a dream, but a vision.

She walks towards me and takes my hand,

She leads me forward.

I follow with no signs of doubt.

I stay with Her, step by step

quietly wondering where She is leading me.

Another ring, my mind races with amazement.

I continue to walk with Her;

the most beautiful thing I have ever seen.

Her touch radiates through me like a wave.

The ringing in my ears turns to music.

I suddenly realize where She is leading me.

It’s my future, my future with Her.

We stop and I smile,

I am lost in Her eyes.

I bear brightest smile I can ever remember.

She leans in as if to speak to me, but I hear no words.

She takes a step back but again, no words.

The sound of Her voice would be like heaven,

but I can only hear the music.

It suddenly begins to fade, the ringing returns.

She stops and calls out to me

Wait, She is Calling me…

Another ring, I come back to reality

but the excitement remains.

It Is Her!

I pick it up and can say only one thing,

It sums up everything that I feel: “You”

You are Her, my dream,

My Carolyn Ann

For anyone reading this I will wait till next time to explain it...

Poetry

I have been looking forward to the poetry section of this class. I have never been good at prose, but I have written some poetry in the past and I am looking forward to the opportunity it will provide for me to explore some of my past. I have never been great and expressing myself openly, and I tend to internalize things, especially when it comes to emotional events. I have never really liked that aspect of myself because keeping things inside has led to some particularly acute physical symptoms in the past. I got migraines, panic attacks, and other things as a result of dealing with things internally, especially surrounding my late fiance.  Most of the poetry I have written in the past was for her, and probably was not very good. I didn't follow any style, or really know much about poetry in general. I am looking forward to learning more about it and trying my hand at expressing some of the emotions I have felt since her passing. I have had more life experiences than most people my age when it comes to matters of the heart, so we will see how this goes!

Enjoying the writing

I had the worst time editing my short story last week. I must have sat and stared at it for over an hour thinking about what to change and I think I ended up adding more and removing less. My revision was almost two pages longer than my first draft. I did consolidate a few parts, and enhance some details without using as many words, but I think I only removed one part of my story. I am hoping that the final product provides more insight into my character, Mike, more depth.

The workshop was incredibly helpful to me though. I got a lot of positive feedback about my story which gave me more confidence during my revision.  It also brought to light some of the weak parts of my story that I needed to work on. After reading other people stories and seeing their mistakes, I was able to see some of the same things in my paper that I had previously missed. Hopefully my final story is a quality product.

I am enjoying creative writing more than I thought I would. Writing has always come somewhat easy to me, even though I never really like the actual act of writing. Ever since high school people have told me that I was a good writer, but I was always such a procrastinator. I am enjoying the freedom to write outside of research. This might also have something to do with the fact that this time around in school I am more motivated to learn and do well. My previous college experience was full or last minute deadlines, late work, and poor grades. I had always been an A student in high school, but at the academy I was so unhappy that my academic performance suffered. I am enjoying school this time around, and so far I seem to be doing well in all my classes. I am enjoying the experience of getting work done ahead of time, and not freaking out about everything. It just goes to show how happiness can play an important part in academic performance! Let's hope it continues!

Working out the kinks

I finished and submitted the first draft of my short story this past week. Up until Friday I had a hard time organizing the coherent thoughts that I had in my head into a coherent series of events. Reading other people's stories in the first workshop session helped me in a way to figure out where I wanted my story to go. I had my family read it as well and I think I am happy with the way that it turned out except for the ending. The first 2/3rds of my story builds up to one dramatic event, but I am not sure I like the event that I went with. I could have gone in so many different directions with the action and the building of the weather.

It was also hard to end the story in a way that seems to fit. Should I say more, less, something totally different? I just might end up reworking the last part of the story altogether, but I think the workshop on Monday night will give me a better sense of what I need to do.

Inspiration

I am happy with my opening scene for my story, but I need to figure out where I am going to take it from there. It is harder than I thought... I have been brainstorming for over a week now and I can't seem to decide what to write about. I am trying to draw on some of the things that we prepared for, and guarded against happening while we were underway in the Pacific, but I want to make the story believable and not over the top. There are literally hundreds of things that can go wrong on the water, but I am still having trouble.

Perhaps I lack a sense of creativity!  Who knows, I just can't help but feeling self conscious about my writing. With history it is easier because you are arguing a point and have evidence to back up everything you say. In creative writing I don't have that net to fall back on so it's all on me...

Hopefully my end product will turn out better than I am expecting, but I think the work shops will help me when I am exposed to other people's opinions about my story before the final copy is due.

I thought I would include a couple pictures so if anyone is reading this you can see the sort of situations I am drawing my inspiration from...